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Ceremony
Our handfasting was kindly conducted by Annie and Chris, who after a mead-fuelled meeting managed to capture everything we could have possibly wanted from the ceremony. The ceremony they lead was heartwarming, fun, and inclusive of all our family and friends and we cannot thank them enough for it.
You can find their script below, along with Bethan's Vows and Tom's Vows, plus an explanation behind their new name.
The Ritual
The circle is cleaned and cast before people arrive. The broom is placed at the threshold, and the ritual fire is lit.
Summon Guests |
|
Chris: |
Come one, come all! We are about to begin the tale of Bethan and Tom, to be told here and remembered for the ages, and in which you all have roles to play! Come into the circle, find your place, settle down – and let the story begin. |
Addressing Guests |
Annie: |
We welcome you all, friends and family alike in your love and good wishes for Bethan and Tom, who will stand before you all today, and make fast their hands as they step into their future together. |
Chris: |
The audience has assembled, the characters are ready. Set this scene in your hearts and minds, the backdrop for a tale of love, and life, and naming. |
Annie: |
As we are present in this moment together, we ask on behalf of Bethan and Tom that all phones are silenced, and no photographs are taken. Hold the images and memories of the time in this circle in your hearts and minds, please, and let no device separate you from the story that starts to weave today. |
Bethan, Tom and Groomsguard approach |
Lily: |
Plays them in on acoustic guitar. |
Annie: |
Raises the broom to allow entry and closes it after. |
Annie: |
This space, and these people gathered herein are protected three times over: By the power of creation we help craft new beginnings for these two people. By making things anew every day, love and life is kept whole and fresh. |
Chris: |
By the power of stories we will tell of today and how this adventure begins and continues for these two people. By passing memories and moments on, this story never ends. |
Both: |
By the power of love we hold them both close to our hearts in this moment, and for all the moments to follow. By loving them, we support them and give them the strength and foundation to love each other more every day. |
The Importance of Stories |
Chris: |
As humans we remember events as stories, told from our own perspectives, experienced through the tales of others. It is reality as it is remembered, no more or less real than any fantasy or fairy tale that has shaped you with its lessons. Stories live in our minds like our own worlds; they are the bedrock of our beliefs, the mountains of our hopes and fears, the forests and rivers and plains that settle on their material counterparts and inhabit them with meaning. They live and run, fly and swim in us, our experiences and our thoughts, and make this world alive. When we walk on the common earth we travel along the paths of our own tale, written day by day through our actions and experiences. We, like all characters, come often to the crossroads. What we choose determines if this will be a cautionary story or an inspirational epic. We learn from stories; they are the basis of our beliefs, our foundation of right and wrong, our hopes and expectations. Jack was a simple lad but by fighting giants he was brave, and so we can be brave. The fool makes poor choices and is carried away, and we learn from their mistakes. The baddies and beasts meet their timely end, and so we trust that our own monsters and villains can likewise be overcome. The hero faces insurmountable obstacles and their greatest fears but finds the wits and courage and hope to win through. And so can we. And that is the importance of stories. |
The Importance of Making |
Annie: |
The power to create is a sacred power, but one that we all hold. Whether we create books, songs, clothes, art, homes, gardens or life itself, we are all creators, making something new from dust and dreams. The journey of creation starts with the seed of an idea, maybe a wisp of a dream during sleep, or a fragment of a conversation caught on the bus. We nurse that little dream seed until it is ready to be born, thinking of materials, techniques, applications and end results. And by the power and skill of our hands we craft it into life, into reality, so that something that wasn’t there before, now exists. It exists to delight us and those that experience it. We stand upon the Earth, ourselves creations and custodians of this perfect speck of life in an ocean of stars. The trees that shelter us create the oxygen we breathe. The soil we stand on creates the food that we eat. The water that we HOPE won’t fall on us today(!) cleans, freshens and slakes our thirst. As both creators and creations, we pay respect to the Earth that sustains us. Our divine duty is to create the things that we are drawn to: art, music, sculpture, literature, laughter and love. And today our creation is this moment of utter love and friendship to surround Bethan and Tom. Take just a few breaths to close your eyes and imagine a huge ball of light and love surrounding them right now, and on into their future. |
Crossroads |
Chris: |
We stand at a crossroad now. All through history, crossroads have had almost fairytale significance. A crossroads is where you stop to decide the path onwards, where you make bargains with the devil, where you weigh the importance of the past, the present and the future. It is where the GM stops to see how the party reacts and balances the path ahead accordingly. And as we stand here, with your history behind you, your future ahead of you and different choices to the side of you, I invoke the power of choice and the metaphorical crossroads to ask you now about your decisions regarding the path ahead of you. |
Promises |
Annie: |
In the sight of the old Gods and the new, your family and friends and the land, sea and sky, are you, Bethan, ready to make your vows to Tom? |
Bethan: |
|
Annie: |
In the sight of the old Gods and the new, your family and friends and the land, sea and sky, are you, Tom, ready to make your vows to Bethan? |
Tom: |
Handfasting |
Chris: |
The ribbons we tie represent the vows, the love and the respect that bind you together. We tie three knots - past, present and future. For every knot, we want a cheer to announce to the universe our intention to love and support Bethan and Tom in their lives. |
Annie: |
One for the past where they met! |
Guests: |
Cheers! |
Annie: |
Two for the present in this woodland! |
Guests: |
Cheers! |
Annie: |
Three for their future together! |
Guests: |
Cheers! |
Chris: |
By the spirits of earth, air, fire and water, we ask blessing on this couple today and always. We offer incense to the genus loci and ask them to watch over Bethan and Tom as they move into this new chapter of their lives. |
Annie: |
Offers the incense. |
Bread and Mead |
Annie: |
Bethan and Tom’s Groomsguard will hand out the traditional bread and mead to everyone. The bread/cake symbolises our wish for plenty for them. May they never hunger! The mead symbolises the sweetness of their life to come. May they never thirst! This will take a little while, so we’d like to invite everyone to talk to their neighbours, and share a memory of Bethan and Tom, and maybe a wish for their future. |
Groomsguard: |
Hand out bread and mead. |
Broom Jumping |
Chris: |
I have mentioned insurmountable obstacles! Behold the threshold of hope and fear! This broom stands between you and the future you prize - dare you leap across? Perhaps our valiant heroes will take the first leap and show us how it’s done! |
Bethan and Tom: |
Run (quickly saunter) around the fire, jumping (carefully stepping) over the broom three times. |
Tattoo Unveiling |
Annie: |
Bethan and Tom have decided not to exchange rings, but to write their love and promises permanently into their bodies as well as their hearts. Archaeology tells us that tattoos can last a millennia. And that is our wish for Bethan and Tom - a love and partnership that continues to grow and deepen throughout the years. Show us your hands! |
Bethan and Tom: |
Unveil ring finger tattoos. |
Name Reveal |
Chris: |
As anyone who has ever heard a folk tale knows, names are important. Names have power. Names are what you call in joy, in love, in sorrow and and in hope. |
Annie: |
In accordance with this, they would like you, their beloved family and friends to be the first to know that their new names, going forth from this day will be: Bethan INKWRIGHT and Tom INKWRIGHT. |
Dismissal |
Chris: |
As with all tellings we come to the end, but the story lives on. It lives on in you, and the memories that you will recall and retell. Every time this comes to mind, or makes you think, another line is written. And of course it lives and is written with each shared breath and heartbeat of our heroes, Bethan and Tom. The circle is open once more and you are free to go about your way. Take this tale with you added to your own into the outside world, and may you all live happily to the end of your days. And I know this story is true, for I danced at their wedding… |
Bethan and Tom: |
Get 'seasoned' with dried petals and rosemary. |
Bethan's Vows
Writing vows is hard because we’ve already proven everything to each other. We’ve been through such hard times together, done sickness and in health, richer and very, very much poorer. Together we’ve survived people who tried to hurt us, and grew and recovered from abusive relationships. And we’ve even survived apparently the hardest relationship test, (an ikea trip) and always spend the whole time laughing and having a great time!
But you make it so easy. Everything is a joy, from how every time I come back from work and open the door you exclaim “it’s you!” And jump up to give me a big hug, to the way you consider everything an adventure. Even just popping to the shop, you get excited because we never know what will happen (which being us, could be anything).
I love that you say yes to new things, but that together we can still enjoy our comforts. That we compliment each other perfectly, and together create amazing things.
You’ve allowed me to be myself, and together we’ve changed, grown and flourished.
So my vow is to just keep on doing these. I’ll continue to be there for you forever.
I will always support you as you’ve supported me through my dreams.
I vow to not become complacent, and always work hard to deserve your love.
I can’t wait to see what we do together next.
I love you so much.
Tom's Vows
Bethan,
In all our time together, you know I have tried in vain to find the words that capture just how much you mean to me. Some of these attempts have been eloquent, others half-assembled metaphors with lots of gesturing. Today was my deadline for finally getting it right, and so by making these pledges to you in front of, frankly too many witnesses to silence, I hope I'll get a little closer.
I can't promise I'll always be in the best of health.
But I can promise that whatever ails me I'll always give my best for you.
I'm unable to say we won't ever have our differences.
I am able to confidently say it's those differences that make us stronger, and that I'll always have the most respect for your opinions and ideas.
I can't guarantee we'll always find life easy.
I do guarantee that whatever difficulties we face, our lives will be an adventure worth living.
I can't say we won't shed tears from time to time.
I can say with certainty that they'll more often than not be tears of happiness.
I don't believe that these words or any others come close to conveying how much I love you
But you know I'll never stop trying to find the ones that do
Bethan, I'll never stop aspiring to be the version of me you can somehow always see.
Never doubt that every day with you is better than the days without.
Never stop giving you reason to laugh.
Never cease losing myself in your smile.
You complete me and I vow to the best of my abilities to do the same for you too.
(I love you more than pizza)
Inkwright
We knew reasonably early that we wanted to pick a new name for ourselves. We had already questioned and largely eschewed a number of typical wedding traditions so one more didn't feel strange at all. Our reasoning was that this was the start of the rest of our lives together, that we wanted to be known in the same manner as we already felt - united.
With neither of us laying future claim to a barony or an oil company, there was no tactical value to keeping either of our family names. Both our families remain dear to us, and we have in no way distanced ourselves from them, but when the annals of history speak of us we realised we'd like it to be reflective of who we've both grown to be.
Choosing a name
We set some pretty strange restrictions. For one, we didn't want an amalgamation of both our names - there were no good contenders there. We also realised that we wanted something with two or three syllables. Anything more or less started to sound weird to us. We were trialling different phonetics for a while. It had to sound right.
It was this methodology that led us to half-jokingly adopting the name 'Bryn Shander', the name of a fantasy city written on the wall behind our desks. Tom tried tracking down the author who had first created it in the 70's for more informtion, but got nowhere. At best we knew that 'Bryn' was welsh for hill (the city was built upon one) and similar word 'Shandar' which is Hindi for "Splendid" (which the city is certainly not). In the end, 'Splendid Hill' was not the one we wanted to die on.
The process did reveal another restriction though - we wanted the name to have meaning. Tom spends a lot of time creating characters, and has always found giving names to them one of the most difficult processes, as he often tries to instil some meaning or hidden reference into them. With our own names being that much more important, we turned to established old lore for our answer.
A fun and overly-simplified history lesson
A long time ago, surnames weren't so common. If a new baby was born you'd give them a name different to anyone in the village, or at least different to anyone of a similar age. Worst case scenario you'd have old John and new John and the 40 year age gap between the two helped people determine which was which
Things can't stay simple of course, and a little after the Normans invaded in 1066 there began a period of great resettlement, with lands being seized, redistributed, and marked for future National Trust ownership. The new leaders of these lands quickly began vying to establish themselves, and that included lucrative cash and land rewards for those willing to leave their homes (which was a crime) and ply their expertise for a new master.
This caused some confusion, because the local village now had three Johns and not the good grace between them to be of a significant age difference, or sport ridiculous but character-defining hairstyles. To resolve this, the Normans gifted us surnames. As the people risking the wrath of their previous lord were doing so to ply their trade elsewhere, it was their trade that became their defining feature. As such we soon had John Shepherd, John Cooper, and John Kellogg (which is genuinely derived from 'Kill Hog'. Kelloggs stems from a family of pig butchers that are no doubt dismayed by their lineages descent into the cereal game).
Among these names were the likes of 'Cartwright', 'Arkwright','Boatwright' etc. Woodworkers predominately, but later the term 'wright' began to more specifically refer to those that made with their hands.
You can probably see where this is going.
The Decision
'Inkwright' was one of maybe half a dozen variations we came up with. It called to both of our professions, Bethan as a Tattoo Artist, and Tom as a Writer. We could both be stuck writing mindless copy or generating dull artwork, but find ourselves in the incredibly fortunate position that we can be make original works. It's what we want to be known for, and how we choose to share ourselves with the world.
We sat on this name for about a year, calling each other by our prospective full names when nobody else was around to see if it still felt right. We knew there was no going back when we hid our new monogram into the invitations before sending them out, and when we were finally able to share with everyone during the ceremony we knew we had picked correctly.
We're blessed with such an amazing family and so many incredible friends.
With our new name we are finally bound together. We are complete.